I just bought a rope on Amazon, it will delivered next monday I think. Having this shit around me in my apartment will be dangerous when I feel very bad (this happens often). But anyway I've gave it enough consideration and I'm pretty confident in saying that life is worthless. I know my death is going to strike very hard my "familly" and my "friends" but I regret nothing. This is going to be a punishment against them, and leaving this shitty boat is the wisest and most courageous thing I'll ever do in my life. There will be no suicide attempt, only a suicide. I'm going to leave no note, no message, nothing.
Just thinking about them breaking down into tears, thinking about all the persons who did reject and ignore me getting ravaged by a guilty conscience makes me shake in a sort of degenerated euphoria. Suicide is revenge on life and others. I was put into this shitty existence without consent and having to deal with subhumans throughout the day while being unable to truly connect with anyone. I was put here egoistically by my parents who refuses to give me happiness, leaving me alone in my shit while they're responsible about the life they created. So I'm going discard the cancerous thing they arbitrarily gave me: life. This is the most logical response to their contempt against me.
My mother will be the first to find my hanged body as she come to my apartment once a time every weeks. I only feel bad a bit for her, but even if she loves me this is only a maternal and impersonal love. She doesn't love my person, but her son, and I'm not this shitty body she gave me.
Killing myself is equal to killing the world, yes, I'm a retarded solipsist. I was thrown into a world that I must endure, that is myself, but doesn't look back after me. I'm being neglected by a part of myself that I can't control, and that is intolerable. Even you guys only exist trough my consciouness, I'm going to kill you all. Perhaps no one is going to feel bad then, since everything ends when I end.
I feel so fucking good right now after having articulated my thoughts. It feels so right, it feels so logical. If the world isn't my slave as it should've been, then the world has to be destroyed. I'll destroy it. I've never had much power over my existence to reach happiness, The only thing I can control is this tiny and retarded body, everything is so out of reach. But ending the root of evil is so easy when you think about it, it's like we were crafted Post too long. Click here to view the full text.