The best part of life is sleeping and not dreaming. Just pure nothingness and rest without even knowing, no happiness or sadness, no confusion or anything. Just nothing, peace. Nothing is the core of everything I want. No pain, no hunger, no loneliness, no financial issues, no anger, no sickness, no loss. The pleasure of relationships and gain in any form is ultimately a punishment. Those relationships will end, and the things you gain will be lost and ultimately feel worse than had you never had them at all. I am not a better man for experiencing the things I have, only a more bitter one. I don't desire suicide out of some impulse from a singular event that just happened, it's not like I just lost a girlfriend, or a loved one in general, or have financial problems. I have lived countless years positive that I want to die because I have no interest or desire to keep going. When you are reading a book and lose interest, you stop reading. When you exercise and become too sore, you stop lifting. When you eat and are no longer hungry, you stop eating. When you are ill and begin to recover you ease off on rest and medicine. I am alive and have no aspirations, hope, happiness, or sadness even, I'm just finished with this and ready to end it, whenever the oppurtunity may arise. People have this fictional and extreme view of suicide that is a teenager being impulsive after being dumped before prom, when that is just the loud minority of suicides and suicidal people. In reality everyone is suicidal, just people want to delude themselves that after they die there will be some sort of legacy or meaning, that it was all worth it. Like relationships and sex, all the foreplay, experiences, build up, ups and downs.. just for it to end. Suicide is prostitution taken to a larger scale, skipping to the end, cutting out the fat, getting what you want over and done with, no bullshit.