R: 3 / I: 2
Feeling like a failure even when I shouldn't be
This is long and will feel really braggadocios but please bear with me.
I have no reason (by capitalist measures of "success") to feel like a failure. I am a full on nepotism baby. Prestigious boarding school education. Probably an Ivy League education (I'm 18 and a junior; both my parents graduated from an Ivy). Investment bank jobs lined up for me after I graduate. I've also been told so many times what a talented writer and thinker I am, or what a natural leader I am, or whatever else. Even if I don't want a job (or choose to be a writer/poet/whatever artist), I can just chill in a condo in one of my parents' apartment buildings for free until I die. I've already been told I don't have to do anything once I inherit the family estate; it'll all be handled for me.
So yeah, I know my life will be alright. But I still feel like a loser. I could care less about dating or any of that social BS because I have no reason to worry about it. I'm just afraid I've become so socially picky out of my way-too-spoiled upbringing. I have a lot of "friends," but I only consider two of them my true friends, and one of them left my school and moved back home across the country where I can only talk to her on Discord.
It just feels so incredibly lonely all the time. I'm such a lonely person it's unbearable. I genuinely believe she was my platonic soulmate. Not a single person has brought me the feelings that she has—and now we've drifted so far away. There's just nobody to talk to. Nobody wants to just talk about stuff with me anymore. All people talk about are school and sports and whatever new car daddy bought them last week. And the people I do know who are very good at philosophy are so much smarter than me, and I feel really inferior to them. I'm jealous for sure, but that's not why I don't reach out to them to talk. I just don't think I can provide them a stimulating enough discussion for them.
Culturally, too. My school is predominantly white. I'm not. I also don't look like a typical messageboard-Discord-AO3 introvert weirdo or someone with strong intellectual passions (since I'm a D1-bound varsity rower, team captain) and most people I'm around are the same. The people that are similar to me are just… too weird. The LGTV troon yass queen types. I've had a fair share of self harm and secret suicide attempts (and one not-so-secret one where I got placed on a medical leave and had to lie my way back out).
Anyways that was a tangent. I just feel like a loser because so many people are so accomplished by my age. So put together. My grades are above above-average but some people just have stellar academics AND sleep every night. How? Other people have started huge organizations and have done huge projects and been published and all that. How? I waste so much time every day reading about niche BS or watching Youtube.
I feel like I have so much potential that I've just wasted because I can't concentrate on boring classes and spend too much time online. I'm just so behind all the time. These people are out there getting shit done while I lurk on image boards nobody has ever heard about.
So yeah. Dismiss this as preppy rich girl woe-is-me drivel from someone who has never suffered in their life if you want. But if you're in a similar stance, PLEASE LET ME KNOW. IDK if I'm allowed to put my discord @ but I'm always happy to meet new friends and talk about cool things. I'm a great conversationalist :)